Delighted, and depressed

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Obama won. I’m cynical about how quickly he’ll have to start making major compromises on his stated positions to govern, but I’m willing to give him the benefit of the doubt. What lies ahead is a test of our ability to hold him accountable, and create a political climate favorable to our policies of choice. The battle begins today.

No matter how ineffective he might turn out to be, there’s inherent value in having the White House occupied by a constitutional law professor, a center-left moderate, a biracial person of color, someone who can speak and be respected around the world. There was a street party that erupted in our neighborhood when Obama won, with music and dancing in the streets.

But California Proposition 8 won by a 4.4% margin. 5.2 million Californians were willing to walk into the voting booth, and choose to amend the California constitution to strip their LGBT neighbors of the right to get married. We failed to reach enough people, and it depresses the hell out of me. There’s so much more long-term organizing to be done, to help convince Californians that boring committed monogamous same-sex marriage isn’t going to cause straight marriages to go down the tubes, or convince impressionable children to start picking out their gay wedding registries.

Marriage equality advocates lost by 427,821 votes statewide. But there were over 852,000 “yes on prop 8” votes in the relatively non-homophobic San Francisco Bay Area counties alone. Forget conservative parts of the state; just winnowing down the Bay Area votes could have played a major role in the defeat of Prop 8. It’s easy to point fingers elsewhere, while forgetting how much homophobia there is in our neighborhoods:

San Francisco
Bay Area County
Yes on 8 votesYes on 8 %
Alameda County167,09538.0%
Contra Costa County163,05945.1%
Marin County28,51825.3%
Napa County19,24844.9%
San Francisco County54,32123.5%
San Mateo County79,54137.6%
Santa Clara County216,63044.4%
Solano County58,05556.0%
Sonoma County65,89833.9%
Bay Area total852,36539.0%
Statewide margin427,8214.4%
(County results via SFGate @ 9:40AM; latest state numbers from

I had a fascinating conversation with an older Asian American man while phonebanking against prop 8. When I explained who I was and why I was calling, he was shocked beyond belief, telling me “you are the devil,” and that if prop 8 were to fail, “you will be a homosexual.” (I suggested he tell that to my wife.) He went on to ask me if I’d heard how a second grade teacher had told a second grader it was OK to marry a boy, and asked me how I’d feel if my son married a boy. Perhaps to his disappointment, I had to admit that if I had a son that was born gay, I would probably want him to get married. I usually try to deescalate religious fury by talking about civil rights, but this guy was unstoppable. Thankfully, not everyone was like that. And we only need to sway a few percent more to help restore this basic civil right for all.

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Since we (the gay people who live their lives with another gay person for decades before the families finally catch on and treat you two as one) cannot leave our social security benefits to our non-spouse no matter how many years we've been together, I THINK THERE SHOULD BE A SPECIAL REDUCED GAY-FEDERAL TAX. We cannot benefit other than supporting straight people who have probably voted Yes on 8 when their life partners die, why should we have our money taken away when there's no way to get it back or give it to anyone (!) upon our deaths?
If any of us turn straight, they can collect the extra taxes "the turned straight tax" to make up for the benefit that we could then claim.
Does this make sense to anyone?
I'm so furious at them taking rights away and having so many themselves. (I know not all straight people are against 8 but they all have the federal benefits that we don't have with or without 8 and other yet-to-come hard votes to win.

Along the prop 8 lines, I heard they wanted to annul all 18000 of us that married during the tiny window of opportunity.
I believe that should entitle us to REFUNDS on the marriage ceremonies: they take away the membership in the desired community of married people, annul us without our permission or desire, then give us our money back!

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